Written by: Counseling Psychologist, Shelly Mok
There is a 3-year-old girl who, when she first started play therapy, would throw tantrums at home at least 3 to 4 times a day, each lasting over half an hour. After more than three months of play therapy, her crying frequency decreased to once every one to two weeks, sometimes even three weeks between episodes. However, her mother still felt troubled because, in her social circle, other children generally calmed down after crying for only 5 to 10 minutes. In contrast, her daughter still needed at least half an hour to gradually transition from her crying spells.
Another child, a shy little boy of the same age, when he first began play therapy, would only play with familiar toy cars in the playroom. He cautiously observed the unfamiliar environment and me, a stranger, within his small, safe space. A few months later, his father reported that he began to try playing on the slide by himself at the park and willingly participated in some interest classes without needing his parents’ accompaniment. However, his parents were still very concerned about his social skills, feeling that “he is different from other children.” Each time he participated in group activities, he would stand quietly in a corner with wide eyes, observing others without joining in.
Indeed, when comparing children to others, it is easy to notice their shortcomings. It is natural for parents to hope for their children’s continued improvement and progress. However, please remember that every child is unique, and their baselines are different. When measuring a child’s progress, if we use a “one size fits all” approach based on others’ standards, we may struggle to recognize their advancements and encourage them to keep moving forward, focusing instead on what they have yet to achieve.
For a child who is sensitive, easily frustrated, and has difficulty adapting to change, it may still take her half an hour to express her dissatisfaction. However, when she begins to enhance her resilience in facing difficulties, reducing the frequency of her crying spells is already progress. Before her next crying episode, she may have expended all her energy trying to adapt to the changes in her life and cope with various frustrations. What she needs is for her parents to understand her momentary weakness. She may not confront life as easily as more adaptable children do. Yet, with the understanding, compassion, and acceptance from her parents, she will gradually develop resilience and adaptability, making her life a little easier.
For introverted and highly sensitive children, various external stimuli may overwhelm their capacity to cope. They need to withdraw when they feel it is appropriate, retreating to their safe and comfortable zone to observe their environment slowly, in order to maintain their integrity and sense of security. They may never possess the boundless energy of extroverted children, who can dive into most situations with ease. Parents do not need to overly protect their children, keeping them in their comfort zones indefinitely. However, parental acceptance and companionship can help them gradually expand their world. Trust that their inherent curiosity will guide them in finding ways to engage with this world that suit them. They are not disinterested in socializing; they simply have not found the right approach for themselves.
Humanistic psychology believes that the innate desire of individuals is to grow and mature. Children progress every day. Regardless of the pace, they are making strides. The question is, can we purely stand from the child’s perspective, patiently waiting, and appreciate the unique vitality they radiate throughout their growth process, based on their nature, temperament, and baseline?
Written by: Stage and TV scriptwriter Cheung Fei Fan
In my family, there is one rule—our only rule: “Don’t bring sadness into your dreams.” This rule was established before my wife and I got married and has been followed ever since we started our family and welcomed our baby.
In any relationship, whether with family or friends, there will inevitably be disagreements. This is also true for couples in love. During our dating days, my wife and I would occasionally have our small disputes. At that time, she made a request: “No matter what arguments we have, please reconcile before bedtime. I don’t want to bring sadness into my dreams.”
As a smart husband, I understood the underlying message: “Regardless of who is right or wrong, if we argue, you need to make it up to me before we sleep!”
There were several times when we argued passionately, and I found it hard to swallow my pride. When bedtime came, I thought to myself, as a grown man, how could I not manage to get over a few bowls of rice? So, I apologized to my wife, and we made up as if nothing had happened.
Once, my son Yat-fu unknowingly did something wrong and I scolded him. He refused to talk to me all day. At first, he hid in his room or behind his mother. But every time he passed by me, he would sneak a glance before retreating to a place where I couldn’t see him.
Eventually, it was time for bed.
Usually, my children, whether it was Yat-fu or his sister No-yi, would excitedly run over to kiss my wife and me, loudly saying, “Sweet dreams!” or “Love you!” However, that night, Yat-fu stubbornly refused to come over and say goodnight. He clung to the helper, constantly shouting that he wanted to go to bed.
So, I walked over to him and asked, “Are you angry with Daddy?”
Yat-fu nodded.
“Because Daddy scolded you today?”
He nodded again, his eyes turning red.
“Can we make up?”
He shook his head.
“What if Daddy apologizes?”
Finally, Yat-fu broke down and cried in my arms, releasing all the grievances he had built up throughout the day.
I’m sure everyone understands that arguments are uncomfortable for both sides. According to Yat-fu, when he gets angry, it feels like a thousand bugs are crawling and biting inside him. So, who would want to take a thousand bugs into their dreams?
In truth, Yat-fu longed for reconciliation; he just didn’t know how to express his feelings due to pride.
I told Yat-fu, “Daddy and Mommy have an agreement: no matter what disagreements we have, we must reconcile before bedtime!”
After all, we shouldn’t let our loved ones go to sleep with tears in their eyes, should we?
Written by : Dr. Chiu Cheung Shing
The weather in Hong Kong can be unpredictable, and combined with children’s weaker immune systems, they are prone to various illnesses. Moreover, children learn and play together at school, making it easy for infectious diseases to spread. Therefore, parents must have a certain understanding of common infectious diseases among schoolchildren to take necessary preventive measures and avoid infections.
In Hong Kong, schoolchildren’s infectious diseases can be categorized based on their mode of transmission:
1. Droplet Transmission
Children can inhale droplets expelled by an infected person when they sneeze, cough, spit, or talk. They may also touch surfaces contaminated with pathogens and then touch their eyes, nose, or mouth, allowing the virus to enter their bodies and cause infection. Common illnesses include upper respiratory infections (commonly referred to as colds), influenza, and hand, foot, and mouth disease.
2. Contact Transmission
This occurs when viruses are transmitted through direct contact with an infected person’s body, such as skin-to-skin contact. The most common example is hand, foot, and mouth disease.
4. Hygiene-Related Infections
Some infectious diseases arise from improper personal hygiene, such as urinary tract infections or gastroenteritis (commonly referred to as stomach flu).
Handling Infectious Diseases
When a child contracts any infectious disease, they should not attend school. Firstly, the child may encounter more viruses at school or further weaken their immune system. Secondly, for public health considerations, it is essential to prevent the spread of the virus. Parents should allow their children to rest at home and return to school only after recovery. Additionally, parents can take preventive actions early, such as ensuring their children receive vaccinations against diseases like influenza or chickenpox, which can effectively prevent infections.
Parents should teach their children to avoid contact with classmates who have colds and to wash their hands frequently, using hand sanitizers appropriately to maintain personal hygiene. They should also instruct their children not to share cups or utensils to prevent cross-infection.
If a school suspects that a student has an infectious disease, teachers should remind the affected student to wear a mask, cover their mouth with a tissue when sneezing or coughing, and should try to isolate the student while properly handling any bodily fluids. Parents should be informed to take the child to see a doctor.
